Living

So I watched Oprah today, rare in my world of fighting not to watch cartoons with my toddler all day long. Anyways, she had guests on who were dying – as in they had a date that the doctor’s had given them. The really the ironic part of it was that they were actually living. Living better quality lives, than before they had a prognosis of death. They seemed to come to terms with the frailty of life, that though we hope and believe that we’ll have a long life, in the end, we should not worry about tomorrow, but just live in TODAY.

Last spring when my father in law passed away unexpectedly, I was forced to really contemplate the things that matter in life. I’ve always wondered how one feels when they close the eyes of one that has passed away, never thinking that that would be me. I remember fighting within myself – “that can’t be it! There has to be more.” But there wasn’t. Ever since then, I’ve had these “run-ins” with circumstantial things – signs, comments, memories, the life growing within me… that cause my heart and mind to meditate on them more and more.

I want to live, I mean really LIVE every moment of my life, not in some quasi-reality that just speeds by, but in the reality of meaning. That in the end, my life will have counted for something, that I leave a lasting, positive imprint on everyone that has passed through it, especially my children, my extended family and those that spend more than a moment with me.

I want and choose to live deeply, powerfully, transparently and without caring about how I’m perceived. I want to live true to my heart, true to my faith and true to Truth. Not in denial, not in regret, not in offense, not in judgement, not in fear, but in truth. In light, in peace, in joy, in passion and in grace. In a word, in Christ. I choose today to continue walking the path of light that is illuminate before me, regardless of everything else that would try to sway me, I choose to embrace all that is on that path with a full, open heart, and know, that in doing, I’ll truly LIVE.

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