Our Journey through Infertility Part 5

Hi there!  If you are joining us for the first time today, you may want to go back to the beginning of the story part one is here , part two is here , part three is here and part 4 is here. I promise, the end is almost here …

That summer That Friend got pregnant with her third baby, and one of my newly married students too, by accident. By accident?  …and jealousy reared it’s ugly head. But she was that friend, and I was not pregnant. We went on vacation together and I had an ovarian cyst painfully move through me. We cried together again.

Time continued to roll along. It was busy, filled with work and students and travelling. Our world changed with the events of 911 and the months rolled by. My friends, and many other babies were born..and then that following spring another miscarriage.

Image result for pics of 2002

Again, I cried out to God, asking for something to root my faith and hope. If I was to continue to believe for children, I needed some kind of anchor….or I would devote myself to missions work and move on happily. As I was reading in the gospel of John one day, it came. The words that would carry me…

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14

 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. John 15  

 Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. 21 A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. 22 So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. 23 In that day you will no longer ask me anything. Very truly I tell you, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 24 Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete. Jn 16

My doctor also spoke words of encouragement, he was convinced I would conceive again. They found out I was Rh negative, and addressed that concern medically.  After the second miscarriage, I cannot explain it,but I had a sense of resolve. I knew I could get pregnant again, and for the time being, that was enough. I knew, my joy would be full… I went out on tour again, with a different bunch of students. The summer passed and another school year began. I set up the crib in the spare room, and every time I noticed it I whispered, “my joy will be full“. I stopped paying attention to the 28 day cycle. I don’t know when it happened, but during that year, my hope and contentment completely took over. I was legitimately happy at baby showers and all the events that had previously brought me pain. That season became one the times I felt most creative and alive. While I was going through my journals to confirm the timelines, I realized they were interspersed with poems and stories wrote during that time.

The following spring I went to visit my francesister who was living in France. It was one of the best weeks of my life…and while I was there, I decided to ask for a sabbatical from work.

I honestly don’t know why… things were going well in every area and I was content…but I finished out the school year and then started my Sabbatical in May. I joined my husband on a business trip out west. We were staying with friends, and the wife announced that she was pregnant – they’d been married almost as long as us and hadn’t had children either, so this was such great news for them. calgary_mountains_by_ps8I was so happy for her. While driving between Calgary and Red Deer, another close friend called long distance. She wanted me to know she was pregnant…didn’t want me to find out through someone else. Was I ok? I had pulled over, and I realized I definitely was. I was quite happy in my life as it was. We prayed together as it was a special baby for her, a sign of complete healing and restoration for her after a difficult time. While we were out west,  I was quite happy to hang out with my newly pregnant friend, she was nearing the end of her first trimester, so  we napped, alot, and ate good food, alot….

It wasn’t til I got home that I realized I still wanted to eat and nap…all the time.

Yep, I had been pregnant the whole time we were in Alberta, and not known it.

Tomorrow, I will share the conclusion of our story…

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